


the dog days are over

by vanillarouge



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Coming of Age, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Humor, Multi, Polyamory, Sibling Incest, Sloppy Makeouts, Summer Romance, basically Beta!OT4, basically all your small town summer romance movies cliches, horny teenagers being horny teenagers, lots and lots of fluff, now illustrated, slices of life, snugglestuck, that is a tag that exists
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-11
Updated: 2012-10-28
Packaged: 2017-11-11 22:51:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/483750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanillarouge/pseuds/vanillarouge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>let's try to stop growing up and just go with the flow. we're going mad in slow motion, babydoll.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. track 1

**Author's Note:**

> fandom secret: i'm not sorry

On Friday, Jade suggests they play spin the bottle.

It’s kind of a silly idea because she and John are cousins, Dave and Rose are twins, and John and Dave are wusses so they only make it past a few tame pecks before it turns into less of a kissing game and more of a truth or dare spin off, ironic pun not intended – the four of them sprawled out on the old dusty rug of Jade’s basement.

Dave asks, “So, Johnny boy,” all southern drawl and shades askew on his face, head resting on the curve of Jade’s back. “Would you rather… Reset every memory in your brain, except for, yanno, reading and writing and that kind of shit, or like…” He pauses, thinking. The television in the background is flashing a trailer for a new summer blockbuster and John eyes it, absentminded. “Make out with an anime cat boy. Tail and ears and rough cat tongue and all.”

“Ugh, Dave, gross.” John says, scrunching his nose. He doesn’t sound mad about it, though. Maybe even sorta amused by Dave’s so-called lewdness (it’s actually sexiness in disguise, but he doesn’t really expect people to get that). “I am not a homosexual, but I wouldn’t really want to forget you guys. Or that one time I won a free day pass to the amusement park, or when Natasha whatsherface took off her blouse in seventh grade to prove that she, in fact, did have boobs. Watching Inception for the first time all over again would be priceless, though. But still, not gay. So no cat makeouts for John, nope. Unless we’re talking cat-girl makeouts. Then yes please.”

Dave rolls his eyes. “Nope, we’re talking kawaii catdudes here, don’t get yourself all worked up, Egbert. Besides homo or no homo doesn’t really matters in this game, dude. Harley here present isn’t really necrophiliac, well, as far as we know, but she’d still rather kiss my gorgeous dead body back into cruel life than shooting her devilbeast of a dog dead. Can’t blame her, I know, I know, but it still makes your argument pretty much invalid.”

“Well, I do love Bec!” Jade interjects, voice heavy with justification. She raises herself on her elbows, Dave’s head rolling slightly into dangerous territory when she adds, “Kissing your dead face wouldn’t really be all that much different from kissing your alive face, though. I would know, Dave. I’ve tried.”

She tries to pat his head condescendingly, mock sympathy all over her delicate features, and only barely succeeds at reaching his chest before Dave shooshes her hand away and frowns.

“You wouldn’t be able to handle the full Strider mack-on, Harley.” He tries to inflict a shade of innuendo into his voice, jokingly, but it comes out far more like a dare than he intended, all sexy drawls and invitation. “I was goin’ easy on them virgin lips of yours. We want no MTV’s ' _Sixteen and Pregnant’_ knocking on your door, yeah?”

Jade rolls from under his head and sits up, laughing at him like he is a stupid, but still lovable cat video on YouTube.

“Betcha this so called Strider mack-on wouldn’t even make me swoon,” She teases, easily. “Besides _I’ve_ kissed boys before. If we’re discussing virgin lips here then it’s dear old John who is in desperate need of being swept off his feet, Mr. Strider.”

John snorts at this. “First I’m kissing boys, then I’m not kissing boys, would you people please decide the status of my oral maidenhood so I can post it on my facebook profile already?” And here he shoots Jade a dirty look, all obvious betrayal scrawled messily on his face. Jade smiles, completely unapologetically. Dave snickers. “And I don’t know if you guys were actually here, but I totally smooched Rose back when this game actually made a sprinkling of sense. You would have noticed if you and Miss Secretteller McExperiencedpants hadn’t been grossly flirting all over the place?”

“It pains me to inform you, John dearest, that ours, as sad as the notion does make me, would hardly be considered a kiss even by the loosest of standards. My most sincere apologies. ” Rose smiles down at him, merciless, fingers running through John’s mess of a hair. “I did barely brush the side of your mouth before you pulled away, complaining about me getting, and I quote, ‘disgusting black goo all over your face’. Certainly not the gentlemanly thing to do, I’m afraid.”

As much as he tries to fight it, for the sake of his macho-dignity, John ends up pouting. “But Rose,” he complains, “I totally did want to kiss you! I think you’re super hot and everything! Just. Why can’t you wear instead sexy red lipstick like movie stars in the 40’s? Like Marylin Monroe in _Some Like It Hot_? Why, Rose, why can’t you?”

Rose laughs, a hand curving delicately over her mouth. “No can do, pardonnez-moi. Black represents elegance and dissatisfaction with the system. Besides it _does_ disconcert people, which is very amusing to watch.”

John crosses his arms over his chest and pouts some more. Rose brushes his hair gently, nails scraping softly against his scalp and John does his best not to lean into her touch, childishly.

“Aw, John, don’t be sad you totally blew your chance with Rose!” Jade giggles a little, because John is cute and teasing him is a lot more fun than he’d probably be comfortable with. She smiles and leans down on her elbows again, face close to her cousin’s. “I can give you a real kiss if you want to!” She scrunches her nose in disgust, just like John’s did moments earlier; a family trait. “I hate lip gloss, you know.”

Rose raises a delicately tweezed eyebrow at Jade. She, in return, gives Rose a mischievous glance, then looks back to John. John misses it. Dave does not.

“I mean, I hate wearing it. Not. Kissing it. Or whatever.” She amends, but John just rolls his eyes, giving it no thought. Dave raises an eyebrow. “Whatever!”

“Whoa, wait,” Dave butts in, pulls Jade back to him and away from John by the hair, tugging on her ponytail gently enough not to hurt, but still in a very much rude way. “I thought _I_ was the one being promised trademark Harley puppy kisses? Have you grown bored of me already? And what if _I_ was planning on deflowering John’s kisser virtue? Eh, Harley? How can you dismiss a young maiden’s feelings like that? Does this means we now have to duel to the death, Harley? Because, for John, I would. I’d make it happen.” He presses a hand to his chest, like a knight, all mock longing for a second, then drops it. Deadpans, “besides kissing cousins is gross.”

John snorts, unimpressed. “Kissing cousins is gross but you totally snogged Rose, what, like, half an hour ago tops? Hypocrisy is rude, Dave.”

“But kissing twins is totally different, my sweet naïve Egbert.” Dave snickers, patting John’s chest condescendingly. John raises an eyebrow as if to ask how so. “Roxy and Bro would make us kiss all the time when we where little, dress us up and they’d take pictures and all that shit. I can barely feel the excruciating pain anymore.”

“Aw, that sounds so cute!” Jade exclaims. Rose rolls her eyes at him.

“As much as I loathe doing so, I have to agree with my brother here. I refuse to acknowledge loosing my very first dozen of kisses to a clay-eating five year old with ridiculous shades and an Electra complex.”

“Bullshit, Lalonde, you dug it.” Dave sneers, pulling his tongue out at her before licking the air lecherously. Rose rolls her eyes and pretends to swoon, poker-faced. “You waited patiently every year for the next holiday you’d be able to taste the glory of these godly lips, marking each passing day in your pretty little Monett calendar with small glittery purple hearts. Mommy, I miss those a-fucking-mazing Strider dudes so much, whatever happened to them, why they’re not around anymore? And Roxy always went all, Oh, little Rosey, oh. It’s okay. We weren’t able to handle their north-pole levels of chill but I can send you over to a rich-ass summer camp to have the adventure of your life switching places with your brother, not that me or Dirk would notice, s’not like we ever gave a shit anyway, but good luck trying to bring us together again even though your father is a raging homosexual in any case.”

Rose’s lips curve into a mock frown, wiping non-existent tears from her face. “Oh, brother, why did you have to bring such disheartening topics to the conversation. You know my goal in life was to play the role of Lindsay Lohan in a very unlikely in real life Disney flick. My dreams have been crushed.” Then she smirks. “However unlikely, I am pretty sure Dirk would notice the sudden decrease in his little brother’s constant need for recognition.”

Dave opens his mouth to reply, scooting closer to his sister, but John, from his place on the floor being Jade’s little spoon, beats him. “Wait, wait! If Dave’s bro and Jade’s grandpa are dating, that means they’re kind of siblings too, doesn’t it?”

“Oh!” Jade turns to look at Dave, eyes wide, sitting up. John complains with a startled _oof_. “That’s so true! What if they get married, Dave? Would we get to live together? That’d be great!”

“Welp, so much for platonic English-slash-Strider makeouts, apparently. Err. Of the heterosexual kind, at least.”

Jade lets out a laugh, and pulls Dave close, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek sloppily, like a dog. “I don’t know, Dave. I don’t think Grandpa is really that into Bro? He does adores his blue ladies. Maybe it’s a phase.”

John squirms in between them. “Uh, guys-”

Dave beats him, shaking his head gravelly. “No, it’s too late, Harley. Bro’s more infatuated with Jake than an anime schoolgirl waiting for senpai to notice her. Good ol’ grandpa is in for the long run.”

“Oh, Mr. Strider,” Jade pretends to faint in his arms. Dave catches her appropriately. “Should our love be forever doomed?”

“You shall be like a star to me, Harley, only for my eyes to see, never for my hands to hold or whatever.”

Still fake-fainting, Jade opens one eye, giggling. “Well, you are already holding me, you know.”

Dave feigns to just notice this. “Oh, right. Never-fucking-mind.”

And then he kisses her. It’s a lot deeper than their spin-the-bottle kiss, all languid lips and, John notices from the awkward angle he is trapped at, a little bit of tongue at the edges. Jade sighs into Dave’s mouth, throwing one arm around his neck, and traps his lower lip between hers when he pulls away.

“Wow,” she says, and Dave grins, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, pressing his lips to her once again. John’s gagging sounds, however, stop him right on his tracks.

“Oh, sorry, John,” Jade says, like she is not sorry at all, untangling herself from Dave. Giggles, “if you wanted a kiss from Dave too, you should have say it!”

Dave smirks. “This does only leave you and me out of the Wicked Incest Train From Hell, Egbert.”

Suddenly Roses’ hands are back on his head, gently running through his hair, but passively-aggressively holding him in place. Suddenly, he feels trapped. His mouth goes, “Eh?”

But Dave’s both hands are already on each side of his head. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Jade and Rose sharing an amused look. “Pucker up, princess.”

“What- No, Dave, stop-”

And then he finds himself with a mouthful of Strider.

This was Friday.

.

.

.

Jade’s summer house is on the beach.

They were planning to spend winter break together, but then Roses’ mum had to attend a conference, and Grandpa had a trip to Africa, and Bro had a movie to finish before new year and all their plans went downhill. Instead they decide to spend the summer together.

Jade is eight (and a half) the first time they meet.

Rose, John and Dave are the kids her Grandpa tells her to play with when they’re visiting uncle Dirk who isn’t really her uncle but he gives her cookies behind Grandpa’s back so they’re cool. It’s some kind of big reunion thing and there’s also Rose’s mum and John’s dad and aunt, and it’s fun to hear them call Grandpa Jake instead of Grandpa.

Long story short they’re best friends by the end of the night and Uncle Dirk- he’s now become Bro become _so, you’re kind of my grandpa too, right?_ but at this time he is still Uncle Dirk, trying to pull Dave from John’s arms and their promises of speaking every single day on pesterchum, which is a promise she knows she will keep by the time she is waving them good-bye, her left hand in her Granpda’s and knowing it’ll be a while until they see each other again.

Next year, John and his dad and his aunt move to Washington, and it’s kind of sad because weren’t cousins supposed to live next door or something? But they still talk online just as they talk to Dave in Texas and two years later to Rose in London.

The next time she checks, they’re sixteen.

And wow, does time flies.

The thing’s like this. Roses’ mum used to be married to Dave’s bro, who is actually his father, but if you knew Bro you’d kind of realize why he does not really fit into a parental figure, which is kind of why he divorced Roses’ mum in the first place, but not really. They stayed best friends even though they always had been and then Roses’ mum was dating John’s dad who is Jade’s mum’s brother, so that’s her and John’s family tie right there. Jade’s mum was never really married to Jade’s grandpa who is actually her dad but he’s an old soul, he would say, and she was a lovely lady, but her health wouldn’t allow her to be a mother and he was too scared to be a father but he loved her too much to ever leave her so he decided he was going to skip being a father and start being a grandfather and that worked out just fine.

Super simple.

(This summer is going to be gr-e-at!)


	2. [track 2: m-m-m-m-m-madness]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> relationship advice with john and dave  
> fashion and gross flirting  
> everyone's kinda hot  
> john has communication issues  
> fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guh. why are you all so lovely. i cannot.  
> i so didn't expect all this feeback. don't stop being awesome, guys. you're kind of the reason i write this.
> 
> chapter title's from muse's new song, 'madness'.
> 
> edit: now illustrated.

“I cannot believe you actually know how to fix this thing.” Dave comments, voice flat, but eyebrows furrowed behind dark shades. “Like, I cannot believe the knowledge is. _There_. In your. _Brain_.”

John lifts his head from under the truck’s hood. Gives him _that_ look; the one where he is actually annoyed but his face still decides to smile because what the fuck, face. “Ha ha, so funny, Dave.”

Clad in a wife-beater, one leg propped up against the truck and a coke in his hand, Dave returns the stare, unfazed. John however, decides not to indulge him in a stare-down contest and continues to sweat as he presses close to the truck’s hot engines, trying to figure out the mess years of salty beach wind has done to it.

He and his Dad found it on the side of the road on their way to the Englishs’ beach house; an old, rusty red pick-up Chevy from the fifties.

At first, Dad had been apprehensive about towing the thing all the way through the rest of the trip, but John had insisted. If they were going to spend the next two months in a small beach town in North Carolina, and Dad wasn’t going to lend him the car, then he surely had to have a way to move around. Secretly he had been hoping he’d be the first one of his friends with a vehicle of his own, but John had also had in mind that it would have been awkward to be driven everywhere by his dad or aunt, like he is used to back in Washington. This is, after all, the first summer he is spending with friends (real, tangible friends, not the guys he sometimes sits with at lunch or the girls from the Supernatural Club at school) and the last thing he wants is to seem so dependent.

He’d never tell, but the truth is this summer does means a lot – just he and Rose and Dave and Jade, like, close enough to touch. The mere idea gives him some sort of uncomfortable warm fuzzies inside his stomach, not that John would dare to admit it out loud. Way to be uncool.

Instead, he turns around and glares at Dave with all the conviction of someone who is just about to reach his limit. “Are you gonna keep distracting me or are you actually going to make your nonexistent butt useful?” He says, wiping his oily hands on his jeans. “Be my beautiful assistant, Dave. Pass me the screwdriver.”

“First distracting, then beautiful?” Dave smirks, looking around with uncertainty. “Are you trying to tell me something, Egbert?”

John rolls his eyes and realizes Dave has probably no idea what the screwdriver looks like. Reaching into the tool box, he takes it himself, nudging Dave out of the way. Dave, of course, does his best to obstruct, shoving his hands inside his pockets and leaning on the truck’s side.

“It’s not my fault if you can’t stop flashbacking to yesterday when I pinned you against the floor, man. Reliving the memory like a fifty year old man in the peak of the worst case of middle age crisis. It being, you know,” he makes a vague hand gesture, “your first time and everything.”

“Shut up,” John pushes him away, bending over the truck once again, fixing a loose screw. “You make it sound like a sex thing.”

Dave snorts. “As if it isn’t.”

John decides not to dignify Dave with a proper answer. When he speaks, his voice comes out a little muffled from under the trucks’ hood. “Oh my god. I should have asked Jade instead. She’d be so much helpful.”

“Bringing you sandwiches?” Dave tries.

After a few moments of pulling and screwing and grunting with irritation, Dave’s figure looming behind him, John kicks the bumper and extracts a small pipe, leaking with some kind of black liquid. The engine stops and makes a deflating, _i-give-up_ noise, and he fights the urge to apologize.

He sighs.

This is going to be a lot less like cake than he’d thought.

“Jade would actually know where this damn thing goes.”

Dave offers him his can of Coke in silent apology, and John takes a long swig, closing his eyes when the cool liquid travels down his throat. “You mean she actually knows how to fix this thing?”

“I mean she actually taught me how to fix this thing.” He admits, a little shamefully, handing the can back to Dave. He drink the rest in one go and John can’t help but be a little peeved that Dave doesn’t cleans the tip before doing so, feels his face growing a little hotter. God, he needs to stop watching all those shojos.

Dave is skeptic. “You kiddin’? Trough pesterchum?”

“Skype.” John corrects, looking absentmindedly at the little pipe in hand.

“Ah.”

They fall in a comfortable silence.

Looking out at the sea Dave can almost make the outline of Jade and Rose picking up shells and sea glass near the waves. Jake’s house’s backyard is basically a bunch of seaweed and sand and it’s pretty damn cool.

He and John had tried to Skype a few times. He’d always put it off for one thing or another, though, all of them being an anxiety thing he wasn’t going to admit in a thousand years. He didn’t want to be deemed uncool by his best bro, and what if he couldn’t speak, what if his voice was weird, or if his face was weird, and other stupid, superfluous things – sometimes he was wearing dirty shirts or any, or headbands to get the hair out of his eyes and being too lazy to remove them, or having a zit. Not that John would have really care about any of it, but it still had made Dave. _Skittish_.

He didn’t know John and Jade skyped though. He supposed they would have, it isn’t like John had explicitly called exclusivity for the two of them on the thing and they were cousins after all. Figures they’d be closer or something. At least, Dave knew Rose and John did, though occasionally, and he’d always been a little jealous of the ease with which his sister would accept John’s calls without so much as throwing a glance at the mirror. It was ridiculous how, being twins, Rose always managed to look so effortlessly glamorous even when she was clad in her Harry Potter pajamas, while Dave lurked, furrowed inside his hoodie, from an angle outside of the webcam and stared at the smiling boy in screen.

Dave doesn’t realizes he’s gone awfully silent until John closes the truck’s hood and rests over it on his elbows, turns to look at him and pokes his ribs, softly. “Hey, Dave.”

 (There’s no denying that it has been worth the wait. John is for more adorable in real life than he’d ever been in Rose’s screen on thanksgiving, or last winter break and—)

He sends him a grin and drawls a soft, “yeah?”

“Can I ask you something?”

(—and by adorable he means like. A total dork. Yes, that’s what he means.)

They lean against the bumper, their arms touching, warm with sweat and a little oil, feel the cool breeze coming from the ocean, salty and gritty. “Hit me with your best shot, babe.”

John snorts. “Right.” He runs a hand through his hair, like he isn’t really sure how to phrase what he wants to, and it makes Dave curious. “Do you… Like Jade?”

Dave raises one eyebrow over dark shades. “Oh no, man. No, no, no. You’ve caught me, i totally loathe her like middle schoolers loath their vegetables on Mondays after a weekend of being grounded. All this years of friendship have been utterly and completely fake fakey fake. You know what, actually, I hate all Englishes, man, I don’t know what Bro sees in them, they’re so annoying with their weirdass accent and those teeth, like, what’s up with their teeth? I-”

“Dave.”

“Welp.” He sighs, rubbing his neck. John waits. Eventually, he groans, throwing his hands in the air. John is glad to see this: a hand-talking Dave is a communicative Dave. “She is. You know, Nice. Fun. Flirting with her is fun?” He makes a vague hand gesture. “I mean, it’s Jade, it’s not like I have to describe her to you, man. What is there even to discuss here.”

John hums, thoughtfully. “But you flirt with everyone. You even flirt with me.”

“Oh, but you’re special, John.” He drawls with a grin. “You’re the only I hold dearest to my heart.”

John rolls his eyes. “Ugh, see?” He pushes Dave’s face away from him, annoyed and smiling. “I mean. Do like her that way?”

Dave groans. “I… Love her as a person, okay? Just don’t tell her that, or she’ll feel smug. I’m the only one here allowed to feel smug, Egbert. If she’s smug, the group will have to even out and eventually the cosmos will suck up all the smug out of me, all of it, and- _ouch_.”

John removed his feet from Dave’s and glares.

Dave glares back. “Fuck, it’s not like any of us has any other friends, you know. I kind of love her the way I love you and Rose. But as, like a girlfriend, right? I don’t know.” He sighs, and continues, a little more quietly. “It’s not like I have a crush on her or anything? Guess we’re still trying to figure out all this ‘oh hey, all these text blocks I’ve been pouring my heart to for the last eight years, which is basically half of my life, are actual tangible human beings with like, voices and hair and skin and shit’. I mean, not only she and I, but all of us. Hell, Rose is my twin and it still feels super weird to see my girl version every day instead of being a Christmas and thanksgiving comes-with-the-package thing. So I guess what I mean is that there’s a lot of chemistry, or lack thereof, that we’re still not used to, you know, physical stuff that can’t be really be tested online? So I guess it is best not to draw early conclusions.”

John turns to look at Dave, who in turn is looking at the small shapes that must be the girls on the beach. The wind messes their hair and from this angle, the light lets John see Dave’s eyes behind his shades. He wonders what color they are.

Eventually, he says, “What, no angsty teenager drama about ruining friendships?”

Dave grins, still looking out at the beach. “No angsty teenager drama about ruining friendships. Goddamn. That would have been ironic as fuck.”

“Yeah.”

“Besides, that’s the cool thing about it, right? Going from, like, super close friends to something more. That shit’s healthy as hell, man. You get to skip those first awkward, ‘getting to know each other’ dates, and you’re not trying to guess if they’re like, psychos or something, or worried that you’ll do something weird because they already know you’re weird. And if it doesn’t work, then you can totally break up in good terms and continue to be friends and let karma keep its course, baby, no prob here.”

“You’ve been thinking about it.”

It’s not a question. Dave turns to look at him. He’s not as good hiding his surprise as he thinks he is.

“What? I haven’t— ” John smiles a bit more, mischievously. Raises an eyebrow. “Okay dude, whatever. You got me. I’ve entertained… Ideas.”

(The funny thing about this is that Dave has, indeed, entertained those ideas. Vaguely, mostly platonic, and not always about the same boy with dorky teeth and pretty sky blue eyes and a sexy jawbone, but up this close, Dave remembers all of them and it’s kind of making him feel guilty and relaxed and just outright warm at the same time. It’s weird. Something about this feels like it’s right.)

John looks to the beach too, and Dave cannot help but notice the warmth irradiating off of him with their sides pressed this close together.

“S’okay.” John mutters, letting his head rest on Dave’s shoulder. “I’ve kind of always super hated all the guys Jade has dated, so I guess you’re pretty okay yourself. You’re my best bro, right? So you dating my cousin is pretty cool. I mean, just don’t forget about me, okay?” He laughs, and Dave finds the sound comforting. John doesn’t mean it. “That way I won’t feel like you’re totally slipping away from me, haha.”

It’s Dave’s turn to give John a funny look. “Slipping away from you? Seriously, Egbert? How many musicals have you been watching, honestly?”

John pushes him, playfully, but his face goes a little red. “You know what I mean!”

“No,” he laughs, though honest. “No, I don’t.”

“You know,” John makes a vague hand gesture. “It’s weird. Like, that Aradia girl, in ninth grade, remember?”

Dave shrugs. “Aradia was cool.”

“But she got you into all this time travelling crap and how it was totally plausible and you went to this Doctor Who cult and I didn’t get a _shit_ of what you said for like half a year.”

“We dated for two months.”

John shakes his head, flustered. “No way, dude.”

“Yes way. Two months and then she went all shoosh-papping my hand and _let’s be just friends, Dave_ on me because there was this guy with a lisp and super weird eyes who gave her flowers and she thought was cute. She’s in a threesome now, with the weird dude and his hate boyfriend, so whatever.”

John laughs. “You can’t be serious.”

“You can never not be serious when talking about the Doctor Who cult, man.”

“Whoa.” He whistles, processing the thought for a moment. John had already known this; he had made fun of Dave running to complain to him about his break up like an angsty teenager girl. He sighs. “What I was going for here, however, is that, yeah, Dave, I wouldn’t mind if you went out with Jade and had tons of cute babies. There. My blessing. I’m so proud of you, Son.”

The funny thing about this is that John means it.

And Dave doesn’t really know how to take that. The sincerity in John’s voice, the little smile that is kind of there and honest and still not full, not how he can smile when he is really feeling it and it kind of throws Dave off.

“Aw, don’t be sad.” He says, throwing an arm around John’s neck. John laughs and tries to push him away, but Dave hold on under the façade of a prank but really because he thinks John needs a little comfort even if he’s not sure over why. A few second later he stops struggling and rests his head on Dave’s shoulder. Dave smirks. Whispers, “you still have a shot at love with the Strider. After all there’s this charm to your family I just can’t say no to. Must be my fatal attraction to the most dorkiest of nerds ever.”

John laughs against his shoulder, covers his face when he snorts which causes him to giggle even more.

“Now, you’re just doing that on purpose, hotstuff.” Dave says, overly flirtatious in which John supposes is an ironic way, and John pushes at his chest, looks up at him and realizes they’re kind of real close.

Goes all, “You caught me, Mr. Strider.” And slides his hands down Dave’s chest with a grin, trying to be sexy.

“Are you guys gonna make out? Can we watch?”

Jade voice comes from behind them. They turn their heads to see Rose and Jade approaching in their swimsuits and sundresses, a net full of sea glass and shells in Rose’s hands. John pushes Dave away just as Dave tries to grab his waist and pull him even closer.

Awkward.

(This was Saturday.)

.

.

.

They’re going clubbing tonight.

Of course, it’s less of something that sounds like a New York City’s all night party, and more of a sixties style disco turned into a club with the passing of time, and it closes at midnight, conscious that most of the people there are no older than high schoolers. This isn’t a college town.

Jade says she’s gone a couple of times with some guys from her school and it’s pretty nice – not big enough to suffocate but still cozy and tight and fun. It doesn’t stop them from being exited.

At half past seven, Dave comes out of the room dressed like a rock star – tight jeans and button up shirt and silk red blazer. His hair is slicked up with more spray than should be legal, feet clad in glossy black high top converse. He looks, quite honestly, dazzling, and when they see him, Jade and Rose pretend to swoon inside their small party dresses.

“Ladies, stop, _please_ ,” He smirks, even though they haven’t done anything more than eye him up and down, smooth their hands down the fabric of his suit. “There is enough Strider for all of you. Please take a ticket and wait for your turn.”

Jade giggles and punches his arm, stronger than she looks in a pretty black sparkly dress and green heels, but it is Rose he’s looking up and down, face smug and smirking, all flirtation. She’s wearing a golden dress, long sleeved but short around her thighs, and he throws an arm around Jade’s waist and pulls her close, feeling her arms snug around his waist on accord. “See something you like, Lalonde?”

Rose opens her mouth to reply, but Dave cuts her off, his eyes somewhere behind her. Goes all, “Oh my _god_.”

From his place on the doorway, John puts his hands on his waist and frowns. “What?”

"John, is that…” Jade asks, even though the tone of her voice hints that she already has a pretty good idea as to the answer. “What you’re going to wear?”

"Yep. What's wrong with it?" John looks down at his outfit, khaki shorts and a pokemon t-shirt and sneakers. Totally acceptable clothes. Dave bursts out laughing. And points. Rose is a lot more classy though, and barely shakes her shoulders a little, one hand to her lips.

Suddenly, John feels a lot out of place. “What?”

"I so knew this was going to happen. A seaweed crab has a better fashion sense than he.” Dave runs his hands through his hair, careful not to mess anything accidentally, turning to Jade. “If John and a seaweed crab were the last two finalists at project Runway, supposing the other ten contestants all died violent and unexpected deaths, Michael Kors would call the seaweed crab’s outfit deliciously chic with a touch of avant-garde, and John would get Heidi’s auf wiedersehen.”

Jade giggles. “That is probably the gayest thing you’ve ever said.”

As he is being pushed inside the girls’ room by Rose, Jade following closely behind him, already pushing his shirt up, John grumbles, “well, you haven’t read our pesterlogs.”

Rose grins conspiratorially at Jade and winks at John.

Dave smirks. “Good luck, ladies.”

.

.

.

The girls are merciless.

John finds himself stripped to his boxers sooner than he can feel embarrassed about it, sitting on the bed, watching as Jade and Rose rummage through what has now become temporarily his and Dave’s drawers.

They’re complaining now, about stupid shirts and too many shorts and sandals, but he’s come to the beach for crying out loud, nobody told him he had to bring his tux. In fact, he tell them that. Jade rolls her eyes and takes his glasses away, replaces them with a pair of hers (“Good luck we use the same prescription, right?”) with a wide thick black frame and John really, really hopes they’re not the hipster kind because those make anyone look like a douche.

They totally are.

From under a pile of clothes Rose produces a pair of dark jeans which he supposes are his because Dave wears them at least two sizes smaller, and then promptly proceeds to throw them at him.

(“Well, are you going to put them on or do you need our help, John, dearest?” wink, wink, little smile.)

(John feels his face growing red even though he’s frowning and proceeds to do as he is told.)

Jade throws him a purple plaid shirt which must be Dave’s, and Rose helps him button it down as Jade slips a heavy wristwatch around his wrist (“Dave has a lot of these!”), and when they’re done John finds himself being attacked with male body pray that isn’t his and smells oddly boyish and a little too strong.

By the time they’re pushing him out of the room (Dave gives him this little odd smile but John isn’t sure if he imagined it or not) and out of the house (they run behind a taxi cab and the driver grumbles but still stops for them and Jade sits in his lap because there were people inside already and there isn’t enough space) John feels like he’s just been pushed around far more than he’s probably comfortable with.

.

.

.

But it’s also kind of nice, he thinks.

The club is downtown and the driver lets them roll the windows down, the wind salty and fresh against his face, Jade’s warm back against his front and they’re singing along some crappy pop song from the nineties on the radio (he can’t believe they know all the lyrics, all of them) and they’re taking pictures.

He knows he’s going to regret them in the morning because they’re getting sillier by the second (both Jade and Rose are kissing each of his cheeks in one and he’s wearing Dave’s shades doing his best Hugh Hefner impression) but he doesn’t think he’s laughed this hard in a long time, and he feels light headed and a little hot because it’s summer and he’s wearing far too many clothes, has far too much Jade in his lap, but he isn’t used to this easiness and this closeness with any other human being and it feels wonderful and intimate and exciting and warm and he’d dare to swear that in that moment (Dave would love the irony) they feel pretty close to infinite.

.

.

.

There is this liquid quality to Rose and Dave as they move on the dance floor.

John thinks he particularly likes the whole symmetry of it, likes how they stand out in the middle of a sea of dancing bodies; likes their chopped hair as they brush it out of their face, a little too long on Dave and a little too short on Rose, likes their angular bodies, the way they only send small glances at each other’s faces and they look like challenges, likes the way they sway to the rhythm of the bass’ heartbeat, borderline on erotic but never lewd.

This is when Jade comes in between them, arms around Rose’s neck but Dave’s hands against her hips, shimmying side to side in between them and it’s symmetric and asymmetric and wow

kind of

really

super

hot

(John decides he’s never ever going to drink anything Rose puts in his hands ever again ever)

 

He faints.

.

.

.

At midnight, they take turns walking around an old park sobering John up.

It is freezing cold, and those who aren’t walking with John huddle on the grass together, sharing warmth and looking at the stars.

“It was a crap club, anyway,” Dave says. “Do you want to know my theory?” He continues to ramble on, sleep deprivation getting the best of him. “Retro is going to be the downfall of the twenty-first century.”

Jade nods against his neck, but comments nothing. She doesn’t get half the things he says sometimes, and the lack of sleep is just making his drawl more pronounced. She circles her arms around his waist and presses closer, and he opens his blazer so he can cover her with it.

Rose comes back with John after their third lap, and they lay on the grass with the others. John presses himself against Dave’s other side and feels Jade’s fingers run through his hair. Rose spoons him, one of her legs coming to wrap around his. It feels warm.

And in the dark silence, John feels strong.

“Sometimes I feel really alone, and I get mad and I want to talk to my dad about it but I can’t.” He whispers against Dave’s shoulder. “Communication is. Hard, I guess. Frustrating. I feel like I annoy people. They have their own problems, you know? But I hate to hurt my dad and we’re growing apart and it just sucks that you guys live so far away and I don’t want to get clingy or put pressure on you but you’re kind of. The reason I live, you know? I just don’t… I hate to be alone. I really, really do.”

The truth doesn’t set you free, you know. It makes you feel awkward and embarrassed and defenseless and red in the face and horrified and petrified and vulnerable. But free. John doesn’t feel free, not really.

No one says anything. Because there’s nothing to say.

 

But then he feels Jade taking his hand underneath Dave’s blazer and Rose’s breathing against his neck and her hands rubbing softly the skin just over the waist of his jeans.

They stay like that for a while. No one tries to analyze him or offer solutions. No one interrupts. Sometimes, momentarily, John feels embarrassed by the whole disclosure, but then he realizes he trusts this people, really, truly trusts them with his life, and he doesn’t know when or how it happened.

He also realizes he’s okay with it.

.

.

.

They wake with the sunrise and walk back home and get grounded for the rest of the week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm going to revise this in a couple of days. if there's any grammar/mistake, then sorry, my first language isn't english. don't be afraid to tell me! in fact, i love when people correct me! teach me the ways! i love to learn!
> 
> illustrations coming soon.
> 
> (also, which kid combinations would you like to see more? i already have planned a bunch for every pair and some others for the whole ot4, but this is basically plotless, so any ideas and suggestions are always, always welcome.)


	3. [track 3]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shower pranks and gross flirting  
> laundry and gross flirting  
> night escapades and gross flirting  
> gross flirting  
> gross flirting  
> gross flirting
> 
> alt. titled: that chapter where rose is a pimp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why are you people still reading this, oh god.  
> now i have to _actually write chapters_
> 
> i whisper as i cry over the amount of hits and kudos and comments, a single tear running down my cheek.

It turns out being grounded is actually not that bad.

They can’t go downtown and they can’t use their computers, or make sleepovers in either of the rooms (it’s mostly part of the punishment for worrying the hell out of Dad and Jane and Grandpa rather than any No Boys Allowed After Tenold fashioned rule – Roxy and Bro just go with it because they find it hilariously ironic) and they are not really allowed to go to the beach even though it is technically part of the house – Dave has made sure to point this out several times. Loudly. But they watch movies and play ridiculously old board games like _Guess Who_ and _Clue_ and twenty questions games with every possible spin to them, and there was also that time when Jade and Rose put a full face of make up on John while he slept on the living room’s couch.

All things considered, it’s all very homey, and by Wednesday they are so bored out of their minds they end up negotiating a whole day’s housework in exchange for the reduction of their punishment.

Around midday, Dave walks into the second floor’s bathroom looking for a mop and a bottle of cleaner; the attic is a disaster, and he briefly entertains the idea of ditching everyone and going downtown.

(he decides against it, though – friends don’t let friends suffer the torture of house cleaning by themselves. that, and he’d probably get grounded for another week or so and he’d have to listen to jade and rose and john recollecting all of their super fun activities while he stays inside going paler, so ditching everyone automatically becomes a no-no.)

His headphones are blasting some stupid ironic James Blunt song and he hasn’t realized he’s going _you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful_ under his breath, he’s got his shades on too, and the light coming in from the little windows near the ceiling is scarce, so he can’t be blamed if he fails to notice—

“Who is there?”

—the water running and a familiar, if blurry, small figure behind the shower curtain.

A quite familiar figure. A quite familiar… _female_ figure.

“Me,” is his automatic reply, as if it’s obvious, and right after it leaves his mouth he rolls his eyes at himself. A second later, though, whatever piece of polite instincts he’s got in himself kick in, and he stops in his tracks, turns around, ready to leave. “Sorry.” He mumbles, tries hard not to feel embarrassed.

Because yeah, he has walked in on bro showering more times than he is probably comfortable with, and they don’t even own a shower curtain, but the truth is Dave has no fucking clue if there is any Living With People Of The Female Variety Protocol he should be aware of. He is clueless on how much privacy they actually need, so he can’t help it if his face suddenly starts to feel a little hotter than the water steam could possibly be causing.

“Dave?” Rose asks, voice full of uncertainty, and something inside Dave does not squirms uncomfortably. Nope. It does not.

At _all_.

“Yeah,” he says, pulls his headphones down and around his neck. “Just leaving.”

He is almost outside of the bathroom; hand around the doorknob when Rose calls him, as in a second thought. “Oh,” she says, as if just remembering something. “Brother, be enough of a dear and fetch me the bottle of body wash, over there, on the countertop?”

“…Sure. Dear levels ascending.”

He starts rummaging around – there is a fuckton of bath products and bottles here that he is pretty damn sure do not belong to the Englishes (the only thing Dave remembers seeing here when they first arrived was a family-sized bottle of some kind of shampoo and conditioner Head-and-Shoulders amalgam. In fact most of the stuff that now decorates the sink’s countertop belongs to either the Lalondes or him and his bro, so it isn’t too hard to give a wild guess as to which Rose is referring to. He goes for the first Victoria’s Secret bottle he sees; some hideously pink little squeezable container with the words ‘mysteries’ and ‘passion fruit’ written on it in almost illegible cursive letters, and, when he grabs it and turns around to the tub to hand it, Dave tries really hard to concentrate on that one highly interesting stain on the ceiling.

(this is just a nice broseph doing a favor to a lady in distress, nothing to see here buddies, nope, nothing at all, until—)

“It’s quite the bold move even for you, don’t you think?” Rose says, voice low and amused under the sound of the water. “To come in here and invade a lady’s private moments while she is wet and defenseless and in the nude?”

(—rose grabs his wrist, her own hand wet and hot and slippery and surprisingly strong when she tugs him closer and what

the actual

fuck)

He deadpans, “Rose, what the burning Hell in the middle of flipping Texas on the fourth of July are you talking about. Also, please let me go.”

(and dave is so not freaking out nope, no he so isn’t)

But Rose, of course, promptly ignores him (and the nonexistent trembling in his voice, that doesn’t exists because strider voices don’t tremble), continuing instead in that unnervingly sexy low purr, “let me tell you a secret. I love boldness – specially from a fine gentlemen like you.” She sighs the smallest of laughs, “Perhaps, were you curious, Dave? Did you, maybe… Wanted to…?”

Dave swallows and frowns and tries really hard not to look into the gap that has formed between the wall and the shower curtain; because he can feel on the skin of his face the warm wet steam coming from the shower and Rose’s warm wet fingers around his wrist and holy fuck he is _so not_ imagining them somewhere else, nope, nope, nope, because he is not a gentleman, hell, and if this were any other person he’d be mentally high-fiving himself because _hell. fucking. yes_. this is the kind of things that only happen in pornos and you have to be very stupid not to take this One In A Life Time opportunity – but this is his sister he’s talking about ( _twin_ sister of all people; kind of like his own face but girlier) and he is pretty damn sure, sure as the burning Hell in the middle of flipping Texas on the fourth of July that he should not be feeling this equal parts completely weirded out and kind of super turned on.

His voice is so not hoarse (nope totally isn’t) when he asks, “…Wanted to what?”

Rose chuckles, tugs him a little more inside, “Wanted to…” And the curtain slides all the way open with a fast movement that has Dave’s eyes opening like fucking plates and—

“…Clean the bathtub, of course!”

—He finds himself drenched from head to toe and he.

Uh.

 _What_?

“Uh.” He says, stupidly. “What?”

Rose stands in front of him, fully clothed and surprisingly dry and holding the shower head in her hand, a grin on her face and Dave is kind of not dumbfounded except he can’t do anything for a good ten seconds except be there and kind of stare. His heart is so not in his throat, okay?

She lets out a laugh. “My, brother,” she exclaims, all innocent eyes and devil smiles. “What in the world were you expecting?”

Dave allows himself a minute to look down at his sopping shirt and back at her, all in one smooth movement, and then drawls out a quiet, “fuck you, Lalonde,” all  completely calm and composed. “It’s on.”

(and rose has only a moment before he is jumping into the tub with her, losing his balance when he steps onto the slippery floor and trips and tries to catch himself on the faucet, only succeeding in turning the shower on and drenching them both in freezing cold water, and the bathtub is filling and they’re probably making a mess but it’s worth it when he splashes rose’s face with the shower head until they’re both soaked to the bone and giggling like they’re six again and hiding inside a coat wardrobe while roxy and dirk go crazy, squealing and wrestling for the damn shower head and she wins but he pushes her against the tiles on the wall, half straddling her but not entirely because his balance is fucked up and she manages to stick the shower head inside his pants)

“Fine, fine, I give up!” Rose exclaims, wrists pinned to the wall, her sopping wet fringe covering her eyes and making her feel strangely vulnerable. “I promise not to play with your young boyish heart ever again ever.”

Dave lets her go and she punches his shoulder, anyway, and he laughs even though it hurt a little. “Shit, Lalonde. And here I was thinking you were going to go all _bow chicka bow wow_ on me.”

Rose lets out a laugh, throwing her head back.

“If it helps,” she says, with a grin, “I think you’d be very satisfying at this… _Bow chicka bow wow_ euphemism, as you put it. You’re just kind of… Not my type, Dave, dearest.”

Dave snorts. “So you’ve got a type, eh, Lalonde? What is it? Not blood related?”

Rose shrugs, easily. “Nah,” she dismisses. “Not particularly.”

“Then?”

“Not. Well,” she sighs. Makes a vague hand gesture. “With a penis.”

“Oh,” says Dave. He lets that one sink in, realizing Rose isn’t looking at him in the eyes. Something inside him a little like disappointment stings a bit, but something else also warms up, kind of like tender, and he wonders vaguely for a second if he’s the first one to know. “Then I hope you and John are very happy.”

Rose snorts and laughs and covers her mouth at the stupid joke.

(and he looks down at her and  her thin pale collarbones and her mess of a hair and the streaks of make up running down her checks and her bright smile and the crinkles around her eyes and thinks

 _wow, pretty_ )

He allows himself a small, amused chuckle and drawls, “Your make-up’s a mess.”

[ ](http://missvanillamilkshake.tumblr.com/post/31318628844/illustrations-for-chapter-three-of-the-dog-days)

And Rose rolls her eyes and wipes the back of her hand over her mouth, succeeding only in smearing the paint even more across her cheek, and Dave says, unthinking, “No, stupid, it’s all over your face now,” and swipes his thumb over her lips in a motion that’s deliberately more slow than necessary. He doesn’t seem to notice.

“That you can, technically, screw yourselves,” Dirk’s loud boisterous voice comes from the door, and they both turn around, startled and flushed. “Doesn’t mean you actually _should_ , y’know?”

“ _Bro_ ,” Dave warns, and it comes out a lot more like a whine than he intends.

“I mean, I get it, if I could bang someone as smoking hot as myself, I would without thinkin’ it twice. But as a responsible parent, I’m gonna have to _recommend_ you not to fuck shit up.”

“Bro!”

Dirk grins and starts walking away, though he turns around once more and rests his weight on the doorway, as if just remembering something. “Not that I can actually force you to follow my fatherly advice, so if you _do_ decide to surrender to your incestuous carnal desires, please use protection.”

Dirk slams the door shut just before a hard bar of soap collides against it. The door makes a loud cracking noise. Rose is pretty sure she didn’t know soap bars could cause that much damage.

Dirk’s voice is muffled by the door when he shouts, “Just sayin’!”

Rose raises an eyebrow. “Well, that was interesting.”

“Yeah, no shit.”

Dave’s back is to the wall now, the change in temperature sending a chill down his spine and he thinks, for a clear minded moment, that Dirk is right and this is probably fifty shades of fucked up but he can’t really bring himself to care that much, not really, when Rose rises and he stares at the way the water falls in rivulets down her thighs and the way her short denim skirt sticks to her ass and he so isn’t—

But he is.

Damn, he _is_ staring.

(especially when she steps out of the bathtub and onto the rug and sheds her soaked squiddles shirt in one smooth motion, her back to him and oh wow nice black lacy bra, but then she’s quickly throwing a big fluffy towel around herself and dave thinks—)

Oh.

Um.

Yeah.

 _Shit_.

.

.

.

“Having fun, Jade?” Rose asks as she walks into the basement with a towel around her shoulders, drying up her hair. She’s already changed into a comfortable pair of shorts and an oversized t-shirt, smudged make up cleaned and dirty clothes in a basket in her hands, and she wonders, for a moment, what Dave might be doing. “Is the washing machine quite… Stimulating?”

From her place sitting on top of an old washer from the fifties, grating and creaking as it tries to finish a washing cycle, Jade snorts. “I’m not sure,” she pats the space next to her. “Wanna try?”

Rose smirks and walks inside, places her basket on the floor with a soft _thud_. “Ooh. A bold proposition, I see. ”

Jade’s basement is different from hers – more tidy, less dusty and humid. The walls are painted beige and green and there is sunlight slipping in through the small windows near the ceiling, illuminating the maps and drawings taped to the walls, paper old and yellow, old school tests with golden stars on them, polaroid pictures, hundreds of books with missing pages and recycled Christmas lights, tick folded blankets only used in winter and the long outdated washing and drying machines that, as much as Jade tries to convince Grandpa otherwise, will probably not get replaced in a very long time.

Jade grins. “Only first class entertainment for my lovely guests, Rosey.”

Rose puts a hand to her chest, as if deeply moved. “I’ll pass, thank you.” She answers, beginning to sort out her clothes before it’s her turn to use the washer. “However, if you are interested, there is a… Truly _intriguing_ store I’d like to go explore, near the club we visited last weekend. What was the name, again? ‘Open Minds’… ‘Open Legs’?”

Jade’s eyes widen. “Rose! Are you serious?” She laughs. “What would we even do there?”

Rose sighs dramatically. Shrugs. “Don’t get your proverbial knickers in a twist, Jade. I simply forgot my summer reading material at home,” she laments, shaking her head gravelly. “Oh, what a shame, indeed.”

Jade giggles and swings her legs, extending her arm to push Rose on the shoulder, slightly. “Bluh, Rose. Reading is boring.” She pouts. “Didn’t you say summer was for fun and experimenting and adventure? Where’s your sense of adventure, Rose?” Jade drawls, a grin dangling on the edge of her lips. “You left it at home, too?”

“Well,” Rose exclaims, like she’s beginning an important argument, trying to suppress a smile. “I didn’t left it in the washer, _that_ I can assure you.”

Jade lets out a laugh, leaning back and rubbing suggestively her hand over the surface of the washer machine.  “Think you can do better than good ol’ mister Whirlpool?”

Rose smirks, leaning in close. “I don’t know, Jade, why don’t you tell me?” She breathes, as if telling a secret. “You did seem quite fond of my, ah, _skills_ , last winter break, if I recall correctly.”

And Jade really wants not to, but she can’t quite help the grin that spreads over her face. She bites her lower lip and looks away, cheeks going warm. “You do know how to keep a girl entertained, don’t you?”

Rose laughs and chooses not to give her a proper answer, deciding instead to run her fingertips up Jade’s thigh in a coy gesture, and Jade laughs and swats  her hands away, but it doesn’t stops Rose from noticing the way she shivers.

“Hey Rose?”

She smiles up at Jade. “Yes, Jade, dear?”

 “You gotten yourself a girl to entertain yet?” Jade bites her lip and looks away, trying not to smile back. Rose is doing this thing with her eyelashes and it’s kind of super not fair.

“So bold, Jade.” Rose laughs. “So romantic. So _cheesy_.”

Jade rolls her eyes and pushes her shoulder, playfully. “Hey.”

Rose responds by taking the offending hand between hers, lacing their fingers. “…No, not really.” She sighs after a moment. “To be completely honest, English women seem quite… Frigid, for my tastes. I’d dare to say I myself have grown fonder of… Warmer bloods, I think would be an accurate term.”

And Jade really wants not to grin because Rose is her best friend and this shouldn’t feel so much like it’s winter break again and they promised it was going to be an experiment and it wasn’t going to get in the way of their friendship and then broke their promises, but she can’t help it, so she grins and drawls in her best Texan accent, “You hittin’ on me, Lalonde?”

And Rose can’t help but laugh. “I’d say I’m swooning, if you hadn’t sound so much like my brother.”

Jade feigns indignation. “What?” She exclaims, dramatically. “So picking seduction techniques from _The_ Dave Strider do not automatically make me irresistible to every girl in existence? I’ve been conned, Rose. Swindled, defrauded! I demand my money back.”

Rose laughs again. “…No, I am actually pulling your leg here. I do not think there is a living human in existence unable to deny the Strider charm,” she declares, matter-of-factly. “Even I find myself hopelessly attracted to him. In fact, I am head over heels for his gorgeous Adonis face. Hot enough to turn a gay woman back into the right team again. _God’s_ team.”

Jade can’t stop giggling, so Rose continues. “I believe I shall start my intricate, cunning plan of sly seduction this afternoon, and this afternoon only. And I think you shall play an important role in it. Here is my master plan, Jade, dear, pay close attention.” Jade shifts closer, curious and trying really hard not to burst out laughing at the whole absurdity of it all. “We dress in revealing lingerie and wait for him on his bed, all while playing with each other’s hair and making out sloppily and throwing cheap porno lines at each other.”

Jade snorts. “That’s your plan?”

“It’s a masterful plan, my dear. It has taken me years of closely studying that blonde head of his to finally come up with something so subtly and cleverly performed that he will not know what hit him until it’s too late. He’ll be putty in our hands.”

Jade hums in agreement, thinking about it for a while. Comments, “Unless John calls him and says he wants to hang out and play Nintendo 64 or something stupid like that.”

Rose lets out an amused giggle. “Unless John calls him and says he wants to hang out, of course.”

Jade’s laugh is melodious, quite infectious, so Rose can’t help it if she begins to smile and then grin, hides her face on her arms over the dryer,  and before she notices she cannot help but burst out laughing too until her stomach hurts.

She feels a tapping on her shoulder. “Rose?”

“Yes?” Rose lifts her head and Jade leans in, and Rose has just the right amount of time to notice a little hesitation, before she kisses the side of her mouth, softly. It’s just a little more than a peak, and Rose tries to kiss back, but the smile that breaks into her face doesn’t quite lets her. “What was that for?”

Jade bites her lips and looks away. She’s got this coy little smile on her face and Rose knows what it means – she’s seen it before and it makes her stomach do this stupid flipping thing it never stopped doing back in England when Jade visited and they fooled around like the stupid ninth graders they were. “For being sweet or whatever.”

Rose gives the side of Jade’s mouth another quick kiss, and says, “whenever, babe,” pops the _be_ like Dave does when he thinks he’s being sexy and Jade laughs and laughs and laughs.

.

.

.

Rose asks, “Where is your sense of adventure, Jade?” at 12:41 that night when Dave and John tiptoe into their bedroom fully dressed and trying to convince them to sneak out through the window (“it only makes sense,” says John, excitedly even though it would be so much easier to use the backdoor).

Jade pulls her hair back in a ponytail and throws on a hoodie and scowls and follows them down the window all the while wondering how much of some heavy sleepers their parental figures with the authority of keeping them indoors the whole summer if they find out, are.

They’re so getting in trouble for this.

.

.

.

 

There's a small diner a few blocks away.

 

A “few blocks” for Jade, however, are twelve, and John complains all the way, kicking at pebbles and pausing at a few harshly lit window displays. Dave points to a few old hard rock album covers at a record store and John nods and shrugs and admits to not knowing any of them, which leads to Dave giving a thirty minute lecture on 'music-that-will-fucking-change-your-life-I-swear' and John and Jade struggling not to laugh because the other has never ever looked so deadly serious in their lives ever.  
  
Dave has a nice smile and it shines under the flickering streetlights, it feels familiar in a way nothing else in this city does.

  
"My turn," John says, after they have grabbed a booth in the back of the diner. Their twenty four questions game had long ago derived into a lot more than twenty four questions. "You said you don't believe in rebirth or aliens, nor conspiracy theories, zombie apocalypses or any kind of apocalypses in general, so…” 

  
He makes a face like he is thinking really hard. It makes Rose and Jade smile because the sort of questions he asks are so random neither of them even know what he’s going to come up now.

  
“What about different worlds? Like, parallel universes and that kind of things?"

  
It’s Dave’s turn to answer and a slow grin creeps across his face and settles there, warm and amused. "What, like, in another world, where you and me are banging the hell out of each other? Because I've heard better pick up lines, Johnny. That one kind of flat out sucks."

  
"No,” John shakes his head, and they realize that he really is into all that sci-fi conspiracies crap. “Like, one where we grew up together or something. And who the hell tried to pick you up, anyway?"

  
"Shut up." The grin turns into a full-blown laugh, and Dave’s gaze turns vague as he looks out the grimy window. "I don't know. I mean, I didn't hate you on sight, and usually I can't stand being around other people my age. Maybe I did know you from someplace else."

  
"Maybe it's because John is ridiculously hot," adds Rose, twirling her hair and running her hand down his arm like a dumb cheerleader would do, overly flirtatious, and it makes Jade giggle.

  
"Maybe," Dave agrees, and grins so John knows it's probably not true.

.

.

.

There is a small pier on the frequented part of the beach, littered with forgotten umbrellas and seashells, half-destroyed castles and footsteps, like daylight ghosts in the middle of the night. They’re still a long way from Jade’s house.

The thing about living near the ocean is that the sea breeze still chills the night comfortably, contrasts with the feeling of the sun burning on your skin and they sit under the pier huddled together. Jade has made a fire out of drift wood, and they stare at it burning blue and green in silence.

"This is a little weird," Jade admits, fingering the sleeve of her hoodie. Her head is resting on John’s shoulder, and she thinks, a little wistfully, that she’s only ever brought here boys she liked.

John asks, "Why?"

Dave is sitting across from her on the sand, a coke in his hand, staring transfixed at the flames. He's leaning back against a joist, his legs stretched out, and he looks up at Jade and John when she speaks. For a moment, he looks like he might want to cuddle up to Rose sitting by his side, too, but he’s too cool to admit it.

"It feels like it should be a date." Jade laughs, eyebrow cocked slightly as she brushes her hair out of her face, "Not that I want it to be one, or something." She adds, a little embarrassed, giving the fire a pointed look. "I mean, obviously it isn’t." She says this last part as an afterthought, quickly and quietly and realizes afterwards that it probably makes things kind of awkward and makes her a lot less believable. “ _Ugh_.”

She's relieved when John chuckles, shifting his weight so that he can throw his arm around her shoulders and make stupid kissy noises at her. She pushes his face away, smiling, but his arm doesn’t leave her and he says, “aww, Jade. Why can’t this be a date?”

“ _Because_ ,” she answers with finality, between a laugh.

“I thought you _loved_ me,” John complains, dramatically, and from the other side of the fire Dave snorts.

“You’d make a lovely couple,” Rose interjects, smirking. “Blood relation is overrated, anyway.”

“You sayin’ you’re into me, Lalonde?” Dave sneers, doing that thing where he points the conversation towards himself even though it’s completely uncalled for. It’s meant to annoy them, Rose is pretty sure, and she rolls her eyes when he presses her close to him by the waist. Gives him a half-hearted kick, succeeding only in sending sand flying all over his jeans.

“Of course not, Dave, you silly,” John comes to her rescue. “If this was a date, and I’m not saying it is, and we were dating, and I’m not saying we are, Rose would definitely be dating me.”

Rose raises an eyebrow. “Oh, I would?”

“Definitely.” John grins at her, biting his lip. “You dig my nerdy charm.” He says like it’s a fact, and Rose wasn’t lying when she said she likes boldness.

“You heard the charming young man, Strider,” says Rose, turning to Dave. “I am not available at this moment. Please do wait for your turn.”

Dave does not miss the shy happy laugh John lets out, feels a little sting of jealousy. He’s not even sure towards whom it’s directed, but he turns towards John with his lips slightly pursed and asks, “Then who would I be dating, Mr. Prince Charming?”

“Well, _I_ would be dating Rose,” John states again, and continues before Dave can complain. “Rose would be dating Jade, because that’s totally hot.” Jade giggles against his shoulder, and punches him softly. “Jade would be dating you, and you’d be dating me.”

Dave snorts. “ _You_?”

John shrugs, easily. Grins at Dave. “You dig my nerdy charm?”

And Dave tries not to grin back, he really does, but he can’t quite stop the corner of his mouth curving up when all he has to retort back is, “You wish.”

John laughs and says nothing, and Dave can’t help but wonder if John is actually aware of that flirty thing he does because it’s super not fair. Then, after a moment, Dave decides two can play the same game and gets up and dusts the back of his jeans. Says, “well, for a date, there isn’t an awful lot of dancing going on here, you know.”

Jade lifts her head from John’s shoulder and grins up at him. “You take all of your dates dancing, Dave?”

He walks around the fire and pulls Jade up by a hand and ignores the way John protests when he almost falls on his side, but she’s already closing the space between them and he brushes a hand up her waist and over her back until it’s resting between her shoulder blades, her arm easily accommodating over his, his other hand in hers.

He purrs, “Only the special ones.” And Rose lets out a laugh.

Asks, “You dance, Strider?”

And Dave just stands there with Jade, her body against his body, and he shrugs. “Only on special nights.”

(the truth is he does dances and he learned how to for the ironic kicks one boring winter with bro because they didn’t had enough to pay for their wi-fi and they were so. fucking. bored.)

Jade asks, “Are we gonna dance without music?”

“No, stupid. Dave replies, her hand still in his. Then after a moment, almost sheepishly, “I’m going to sing.”

“Oh.” Jade says, surprised. “Okay.”

“Shut up, I’m thinking. I‘m trying to find something that suits you.” And it might be just her imagination because they are super close, but Dave seems to be a little red on the face when he says that and it is kind of really cute. He takes a step back and pulls her with him, starting to move. Sings, “well, it’s a marvelous night for a moon dance… with the stars up above in your eyes.”

In a smooth movement he turns her around and presses his chest to her back, their arms entwined. Sing-whispers, “a fantabulous night to make romance… Neath the cover of October skies...”

And he finishes by twirling Jade away from him. She spins twice, slowly, her hand in his. Comments, after a thoughtful moment, “But we’re on June.”

Dave lets out a laugh, and kind of just stands there. “No shit, Sherlock.”

Rose hums a little, in thought. Asks, after a moment, “If Moondance suits jade, then what would suit me?”

Dave rolls his eyes and walks to her and pulls her up too, and before Rose can find her balance he is already pulling her close, arms in place, and she finds himself with her fingers in his, her hand on his shoulder. His mouth to her ear.

“You’d be more like…” He thinks for a moment, confidence growing. Rose waits. “I can hear the sounds of violins… Long before, it begins.” It’s easier to follow his pace once Rose recognizes the song. “Make me thrill as only you know how… Sway me smooth, sway me now...”

[ ](http://missvanillamilkshake.tumblr.com/post/31318628844/illustrations-for-chapter-three-of-the-dog-days)

He has the audacity to finish by bending her backwards, just slightly, and Rose lets out a small laugh, would never admit to being left speechless.

Dave asks, the corners of his mouth up in a badly suppressed grin, “So, how was that, princess?”

Rose’s hands are still clutching to him and she tries to cover it by smoothing them down his shoulders, dusting imaginary dust. “Alarmingly well. I’m convinced I am dreaming and will wake eventually to a world where you are still as uncool as ever.”

Dave shrugs, still close. His hands have somehow found their way to her waist and he wonders, for a moment, of how far is too far in this game of one-upmanship. “Or maybe I’ve always been cool and you’ve just always been in denial?”

“No,” Rose shakes her head, raising her eyebrow at him. “I think I might be being pranked in a TV show.”

Dave laughs. “You caught me, Lalonde. I’m an actor, they’re all actors, those are hidden cameras.”

“Hilarious, David.” Rose says, and she meant for it to be sarcastic but the grin on her face makes it sound a lot more sincere than she probably intended to. “So smooth.”

“My smooth charm and cool wit are what keep you around,” he shrugs, trying to throw John’s words back at him but kind of failing to and he ends up just sounding a little too full of himself.

Rose rolls her eyes, “I thought it was your touching humility, to be honest.”

“Humility is for ugly boys.”

“Then I would expect you to be a little more humble.”

“Oh, I can’t stand all this sick burns. Oh, my aching heart.”

Rose sighs, and feels like pressing her hands to his cheeks. It’d be flirty if they weren’t so cold and she didn’t press them quite that hard. Instead, she just manages to make his lips pout out ridiculously. “You're insufferable.”

“You like it.”

She smiles, “maybe a little.”

.

.

.

In the end they don’t get caught.

They walk in through the backdoor at four in the morning and there is a heart-stopping moment where they almost walk into Roxy right before the stairs but she just looks at them up and down, hair pulled back with a tacky headband and face painted green with some weird all-night lotion before mumbling something about never ever playing drinking games with Dirk ever again ever and walking right past them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was also supposed to include some rose/john and john/jade scenes, which i ended up moving to the next chapter because of length. /sigh.  
> that, and probably midterms weeks was what made this take so long, so, like, sorry.
> 
> fun headcanon time: dave really strikes me as someone who loves to sing – he is pretty average at it, so he won’t try to reach any difficult notes and it’ll make his voice sound like he’s being lazy when singing. he’s actually into some classy and/or indie music like michael bubble and coldplay and the killers and gotye but he won’t admit it ever and tries to pass it for irony. so, yeah.
> 
> btw, follow me on tumblr! i'm missvanillamilkshake; i rant a lot there about this fic, l-lol, and i have this to-fucking-write tag where i basically accumulate fic ideas, so you can tell me which ones you'd like to read best! also, i'm awesome. 
> 
> on another note: i've already asked about ships, so now, which movie clichés do you like best? i am personally loving the old truck, which is gonna keep appearing here. 
> 
> okay i'll shut up now.
> 
> (i’m posing illustrations probably tomorrow! or. later today. wow it’s two am already?!)


	4. [track 4: hurricane drunk]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh oh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp

This is a story about four teenagers under mild to none adult supervision during summer break. What else were you expecting?

Dave mutters, “Attention, attention: red lights flashing and shit. Bad idea alert,” but still closes the door and checks the lock one, two, six times before turning around, his back against the white wood. Watches Rose pull bottle after bottle of dubious contents out of a paper bag, sunlight streaming in through the window and traversing through pleasing shapes and pretty coloured glass, making patters on the wooden floor of Jade’s bedroom. The basement would have felt like a safer place, but the door can’t be locked.

They’re gonna get _so_ wasted.

And so they sit in a circle on the floor, four elegant glasses of different shapes in the middle, meant for completely different drinks, one for each one of them.

“Prude,” John mocks him, eyeing curiously a blue container that reminds of a cologne bottle. “Isn’t this what the average teenager is supposed to do, anyway?” He takes the bottle, trying to look through it. It’s almost frozen, and his fingers burn at the contact. The slight vapour it oozes casts pretty shapes in the sunlight.

It’s pretty good stuff, not the kind to find on a simple convenience store, and Rose has probably taken it from her mother’s stash in the minibar she’s brought with her. At least that’s what they suppose – Jake only drinks a beer or two on weekends, and neither of the Egbert-Crockers are enthusiasts of this kind of intoxicants.

It makes Dave, to say the least, incredibly apprehensive.

(He’d describe it, if he were to be accurate, as anxious as fuck and kind of you know, totally panicked. Not that he’s going to start rambling about his feelings, or something.)

Dirk would kick his ass if he knew he’s allowing himself to be anything but on guard, wide alert.

“Do excuse my obvious naivety and innocence, sir. John. Big Kahuna of Maturity and Sophistication.” He rolls his eyes, sitting down next to John. Snatches the blue bottle from his hands, puts it down with the rest. “I’m sorry for raining on your happy fun alcoholic parade.”

John brings a hand to his chest. “Completely excused.”

Roxy and Mr. Egbert are out on a date, like the corny pair of tourist they are. Jake and Bro, at the shopping mall; will probably hold hands and be embarrassing, and nobody wanted to be there and witness it. John’s aunt, Jane, though, is downstairs in the guest room, out like a light with painkillers and sleeping pills. It’s kind of douche-y of them to take advantage of her delicate condition, but then again, this is a story about four teenagers during summer break, what else were you expecting. 

Laying on the bed, watching as Rose stars carefully opening each bottle, Jade smiles. Dave’s back is to the bed, so when she touches his arm, Dave flinches, startled. Jade giggles. John outright laughs. “Oh my god, you’re so tense. Like. The cables holding up the Brooklyn bride, or something.”

“Smooth,” Rose smirks, looking down at the drinks she’s mixing. “So smooth.”

Dave glares. “S-t-f-u, sister.”

Jade says, “if it helps, I’ve never done this before, either.” And slides down the bed to kneel behind him, massage his shoulders and back. He tenses at first, all barely supressed anxiety, but melts into her touch a few moments later.

“I thought you were all about crazy partying, though?” Rose asks.

“Well, yeah!” Jade smiles when Dave rolls his head back, letting out a small sound. “But you know how paranoid Grandpa is about being careful and stuff. “ She frowns, putting more pressure into Dave’s muscles. She makes the impression of an old man, even though Jake is barely in his late thirties. “Boys only want one thing, Harley, and one thing only! They’re awful and mean and you should always carry at least one gun with you, better safe than sorry! Don’t call them, don’t purse them, don’t let them pay for you or give you gifts, or they’ll think you owe them something. Never stay in the same room alone with a man you’re not married to, don’t get drunk, you’ll be taken advantage of and you’ll get pregnant and die. Also, only hookers wear boots!”

“Oh my god,” Rose exclaims.

“Yeah,” Jade shrugs, sheepishly. “But he does it because he loves me.”

“Yes, I know. But you _would_ look lovely in a pair of boots.”

Dave snorts, smirking a little. He’s closed his eyes behind his shades, the tension slowly fading away to some sort of vague uneasiness. He kind of really, really hopes it’ll fade away the moment the drinking begins.

John laughs, grinning in Rose’s direction. “It’s true, though,” he says, leaving the bottles alone for Rose take care of, crawling the close distance from his place on the floor to Jade on his hands and knees. She giggles and throws her arms around Dave’s neck, less like a hug and more as if she were using him as a shield, all playful smiles and mischief. Dave tenses again. Shivers. “Us boys, we’re mean, mean people. Don’t come any close, we might—”

He feels hot breath on his face, before teeth close around his earlobe and—

“— _bite_.”

—he yelps, elbowing Jade away from him. She falls back against the floor, pushing her legs in the air, laughing her ass of along John.

“You guys are so fucking mature,” Dave stammers, crawling away from both of them, kicking John in the process. John lets out a half-hearted _ouch_ , but continues laughing, clutching his stomach. Jade rolls and ends up half on top of him, and they become a mess of giggles and little snorts.

Rose lets out a laugh but quickly covers it with the back of her hand when Dave glares at her. She gives him this little, strange knowing smirk, and he raises an eyebrow in return; a wordless conversation. “You don’t have to, you know,” she says, at last.

“What?”

“You don’t have to drink, if you are nervous.”

“I’m not.”

“If you do not really want to, then.”

Dave frowns and snatches a bottle from the floor, fumbling with the cap before bringing it to his nose and giving it a little sniff, hesitatingly. “And giving Mr and Mrs Beaver even more reasons to mock me for the rest of the summer? Yeah, not gonna happen.”

From their place on the floor, John and Jade snort and begging laughing at the term of endearment, all over again.

Rose smirks. “I promise to make an effort to keep you from embarrassing yourself more than you usually do sober,” she says, petting his hair. “Maybe you’re a hilarious drunk.”

“Maybe?”

“Maybe you’re the kind to spill secrets out. Either is highly probably.”

“Comforting.”

“Maybe you get affectionate.”

He turns to look at her, her hand still in his hair, and raises a sceptical eyebrow. She says nothing, but her lips curve upwards slightly, and Dave kind of hopes the drinking starts soon because otherwise he’s going to bail out pretty soon. She winks. He turns around and pretends his face isn’t heating up.

“This is,” John gasps, Jade across on top of him, her weight on his stomach. “This is kind of a one-time opportunity, though. I don’t think I trust anyone enough to get unsober with but you guys.”

“Aww,” Jade laughs, sitting up to kiss his cheek, John make a show of swiping her kiss off his cheek with his hand, playfully. Dave pretends to dry imaginary tears. “I’m so moved. What a pure hearted display of trust and affection. Let me kiss your face, John Egbert. Just let me.”

Rose rolls her eyes, but doesn’t say anything when John pushes Dave away from him, receiving a similar shove in return. They continue bantering in the same fashion until Jade rolls her eyes and puts a hand on each of their heads and bangs them together, efficiently shutting them up, except of course for the pained protests. She swooshes them away from each other and sits in the middle, receiving an approving grin from Rose.  

“Okay, it is ready,” Rose says, stirring a martini glass with a swizzle stick. John takes the glasses Rose offers him, passes one to Jade.

“Shaken not stirred,” Dave mutters. Jade giggles and gives him a thumbs-up. He asks, “what is this?” eyeing his glass suspiciously.

“Appletini,” Rose smiles, “or an attempt. It is pretty tasty, isn’t it?”

“That is like, a girl drink, isn’t it?”

Jade raises her glass and Rose’s attention moves to her, leaving Dave sulking. “To being stereotypically irresponsible teenagers.”

Dave snorts. “I’ll drink to that.”

The four of them cheer, glasses clinking, then downing their drinks.

“Oh god,” John rasps out, “It kind of burns.”

Rose laughs. “You’ll get used to it.”

“I really hope this is an acquired taste,” Dave grumbles, trying hard not to make a face at the burning. Rose quickly refill his glass with more vodka and apple juice, and he sighs, contemplates his life choices, if a bit dramatically.

The next round is fruity and fresh, like sour apples. It is also pretty dizzying.

Jade tells him, “drink it all up, big guy.” And clinks her glass to his, the different shapes making Dave worry they’ll break. She seem pretty eager. He and John both share a surprised look when she extends her glass towards Rose’s direction, a grin on her face. “What is in it?”

“Shh,” Rose teases, refilling her glass, then lifting a  finger up to Jade’s lips, batting her eyelashes. “That’s not important.”

Jade licks her finger and they laugh, a little more relaxed, and unsurprisingly to everyone who’s ever been sixteen, the drinking progresses this way through the next hour until they are all sprawled on the bed and floor — using whatever part of whoever is closer as pillow, finding hilarious things they had never thought funny, hair tousled, drinks in hand, playing Never Have I Ever.

They’re not sure who’s idea it was or who started it; John had been in the middle of a heatedly explaining a conspiracy theory on 90s shows, Dave quietly nursing the remainders of a bottle of apple juice with a lapful of twin sister, Jade in her bed, head dangling down the edge, hair falling down to the floor in rivulets — but now here they are.

[ ](http://missvanillamilkshake.tumblr.com/post/34674293051/illustration-for-chapter-four-of-the-dog-days-are)

“Okay, okay, I’ve got one,” Dave slurs, having pushed Rose off of him some time ago now, when she had tried to remove his shades. “Never have I ever worn tacky Harry Potter PJs.”

Rose rolls her eyes and takes a drink, unaffected. Dave’s been trying to get her drunk for the last quarter of an hour and it isn’t going to work, she’s sure, because unlike her lovely friends she’s had her fair share of practice. Dave on the other side, is grinning like a madman, head on Jade’s shoulder, arms around her waist. He’s getting more touchy-feely with each round and Rose is amused to no end.

She for her part, is just mildly lightheaded.

Which can’t really be said about, as Dave has eloquently put it, Mr and Mrs Beaver.

Rose takes a shot and so does John, holding up his free hand for Rose to high five, making Dave roll his eyes.

“Okay, then. Never have I ever…” Rose hums, sending Dave a little, devilish glance. “Thought ridiculous Harry Potter PJs are hot.”

John laughs, leaning close to her. “Aw, Rosey that hurts.” But it is Dave whose eyebrows shoot up, it is he who turns to look at his sister, eyes wide; deer caught in the headlights.

She’s got her hair in her face, dark lipstick a little smeared across her cheek. She’s ridden with freckles just as he is, and she’s smirking, the little bitch, slightly flushed but very much capable of coherent thoughts. Of knowing what she’s doing.

Dave resists the urge to flip her off.

John, though, beats him, downing his own glass of vodka and juice. “To the lady,” he says, grinning, taking her hand in his and kissing it. Rose laughs, turning her head towards her brother.

“The fine gentleman here is not afraid to speak his mind, David. Are you?”

Jade giggles and pokes his ribs and Dave whooshes her hand away, takes a drink. He puts the glass down and says, “there. Happy, Lalonde?”

“Very,” she replies, and her eyes wander a little in John’s direction, catching Dave off guards with all the little hidden implications.

“Alright,” says John, cocking his head slightly, confused. He blames it on the alcohol, though, and laughs a little even though he doesn’t really get what’s going on between Dave and Rose. He decides to give it no more thought, and leans back on his hands, thinking. “Never have I ever… Streaked.”

Jade gasps, indignant, head snapping in John’s direction. “Come on, I was five!”

"Hey, that's the rules of the game," John says, smiling smugly at her. "Drink, lil lady." Jade tosses her hair to the side, huffing, before filling her thin champagne glass and emptying it in one long swig.

“Never have I ever lied about my birthday just to get a free dessert and a funny little hat,” she says, crossing her arms.

She catches John off guard. “Bluh,” He says, trying to look annoyed, only succeeding in pouting adorably. Jade giggles, pinching his cheek. Rose pours him another drink, and he jerks his head towards Dave before downing it, “go.”

Dave smirks, “Never have I ever been kicked in the nuts.”

John’s mouth falls, “This is treason!” He cries as his friends laugh, forcing another glass into his hand. “Betrayal,” he mutters into his glass, Rose’s hand brushing his fingers as she holds the little shot glass in place, making sure he doesn’t let it fall accidentally. “I am never ever telling you stuff ever again ever.” He turns to point at Jade, accusingly. “Neither to you.”

“Whatever,” Jade laughs, blowing him a kiss. “Okay, it’s Rose’s turn.”

“Never have I ever gotten my braces locked together kissing someone,” Rose says, without missing a beat, opening a pink bottle of something that smells sweet and fruity, already filling Dave’s glass.

Dave crosses his arms. “With friends like this, who needs enemies?”

John’s face breaks into a grin, watching as Dave downs his newly refilled glass. “Oh my god, Dave, I had totally forgotten about the,” he makes exaggerated air quotes, “incident.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Dave snaps back. “It’s your fucking turn.”

John laughs. “Okay, never have I ever… Acted out sex scenes with Barbie and Ken.”

“Fuck you,” Jade punches his arm. “It was _ironic_.”

That pulls a smirk out of Dave. “Right.” Jade takes her drink, and he says, “Never have I ever skinny dipped.”

“Come _on_ ,” Jade groans, taking another drink. She’s more than a little tipsy, and her face feels hot.

“In my defence that was totally not on purpose,” Dave says, turning to look at her, eyes wide in mild curiosity. He grins accusingly at her, and earns a middle finger in his direction. “This deserves a story, though.”

Jade hides her face in her hands. “There are some real pretty waterfalls up north, in the woods. I went with some friends from school, but I was alone when I did it!” She explains, biting down an embarrassed smile. “It’s a really pretty place. We should definitely go, before the summer is over.”

“That sounds like a lovely idea,” says Rose, pushing some strands of hair out of her face. “Maybe you can show us exactly what, ah, lead you to take this decision?”

“Maybe,” Jade grins at her, and Rose grins back.

“Okay then,” she says. “Never have I ever carried condoms around in my wallet just in case I might get lucky.” Tries not to laugh when both Dave’s and John’s head snap in her direction, looking like deer caught in the headlights.

They grudgingly take they drinks without a single comment, and Jade laughs at them. “ _Boys_.”

Rose shakes her head, condescendingly. “Indeed.”

“Okay yeah, boys are assholes, blah blah, whatever.” John interrupts, loudly, wanting to change the subject as quickly as possible. “Never have I everrr… Sent nudes.”

Dave snorts. “You should.”

“Shut up, Dave.”

They watch as Rose pours herself half a snifter glass of Rosé, drinking it in one long swig. “Okay, _that_ deserves a story.”

“There is really nothing much to say, John, dear.” She smiles at him, batting her eyelashes in a way she hopes is distracting. John is grinning accusingly and having none of this however, and she turns to look at Jade for help, but she only shrugs, a little mischievous smile on her face.

“If Rose doesn’t wants to tell you about those pictures I’ve  got in my phone of Rose in nothing but lacy black panties inside that Victoria’s Secret changing room, then you shouldn’t force her to tell you, John.”

Dave whistles. Rose doesn’t think her expression changed much or anything, but it must have had because Jade grins and blows her a kiss, and John doesn’t has time to say anything  before she’s already changing the subject. “Never have I ever been asked by my parents if I’m still a virgin.”

“That’s an obvious one,” Dave says, rolling his eyes. He and Rose and John fill their glasses, and John chokes on his drink, his cheeks burning with embarrassment.

“Let’s agree on this one not deserving a story.”

Rose clears her throat. “Yes, I’d really like that.”

“My turn,” Dave grins after a moment, voice slurred, “I have never ever,” he pauses, thinking, looks at John. “Kissed a girl ever.”

Rose rolls her eyes at him, grinning. “Liar liar, pants on fire.”

John flips him off. “Drink, motherfucker,” he says, and the four of them take a shot, Rose grinning, Jade giggling against John, hair in her face, face flushed. She can’t really hold her alcohol, and this is exactly why she’s never drunk before. She kind of really, really trusts this people, it’s not like she’s in danger or something, she reasons.

“I thought we agreed Rose didn’t count,” Dave says, leaning over Jade to push John’s shoulder.

“I wasn’t counting Rose,” John giggles, falling on his side. “It’s for you.”

Rose snort, “I’ll drink to that.”

Jade laughs and crawls next to John, her hair curtaining down around his face. Presses her lips to his, determined and wet, and pulls his lower lip between hers, just slightly, before pulling back with a clean, closed mouthed sound.

John, uh. Yeah.

“I, uh,” he says, stupidly. “Yeah.”

Jade seems to find this particularly funny because she giggles and loses her balance, falling on her back, her hair splayed out around her, her skirt riding up to dangerous places. Dave and Rose don’t even try to conceal the unsubtle glances, no matter how unsexy her tight plain grey boxer shorts are. John sends them The Look, meant for a big brother to use for scaring potential suitors away from his sister, and pulls her skirt down. Rose laughs, blows him a kiss. Dave snickers.

“Okay, I think this is enough,” Rose giggles, taking bottle after bottle and shaking them, realizing more than four are empty. “We want no one throwing up, do we.”

“I think you mean we want no virginities lost,” Dave drawls, raising an eyebrow in John’s direction. He rolls his eyes and sits up, putting a hand to his head when the room starts spinning.

“Aw, come on,” Jade insists, an amused, if inebriated smile on her face. “Just one more, Rose. It even is your turn and everything.”

“Yeah,” Dave agrees. “Hit with your best shot.”

“I’ll take that as a challenge, if you may.” Rose considers this for a moment, and realizes there is a thousand things she’s curious about. “Never have I ever…” She pauses, more for drama than anything. “Dreamt about screwing someone in this room.”

Dave is the first one to break the silence, smirking. “You’re such a filthy liar.”

“I agree,” Rose laughs, and fills herself a shot, and it’s more apple juice than anything. “But so are you.”

“Didn’t say I didn’t.” And before Rose can reply he takes the nearest bottle and chugs down the remainders, tries hard not to give a fuck even though he’s kind of feeling red on the face and a little vulnerable. He hopes what happens drunk stays drunk, or some shit. Maybe no one is remembering this tomorrow.

John turns to look at Jade, and she’s smiling and trying not to; a family trait. She shrugs and takes her champagne glass, fills hers and John’s before he can say anything and then they’re downing their drinks and laughing because they’re kind of really really drunk.

Rose gracelessly sweeps the empty bottles under the bed and they laugh and laugh and laugh, and talk until they fall asleep and the next day, they wake up with the worst hang over in the story of ever.

;;

“Look at them,” Roxy says, standing at the doorframe. “They’re such adorable babies.”

“Yeah,” Dirk rolls his eyes, throwing an arm around her shoulders. “Adorable little shits. Thought we wouldn’t find out about the fuckin’ raiding of our minibar.”

“Oh hush,” she answers, closing the door silently. Inside the room, Jade, Rose, Dave and John lay like a litter of puppies cramped in Jade’s bed, in a way that can’t by any means be comfortable, limbs falling out the bed, out like lights. “Can’t remember what it was like being sixteen, boy?”

“The hell I don’t.” She laughs and kisses the corner of his mouth, and he makes a show of wiping her lipstick off his face. “If Egbert or Jake finds out—”

“But they won’t,” Roxy says, and it’s all sugary sweet; an order. Dirk rolls  his eyes. Mutters a _yeah, whatever_. And no one finds out.

They’re really cool parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanna dedicate this chapter to tumblr user nagekis for getting me out of the block with the suggestion to " to get them all REALLY drunk. substance abuse always helps kill writers block" because wow best advice ever.
> 
> also you should all follow me at missvanillamilkshake because i've been sad and i'm sick with the worst cold ever /emotional manipulation.
> 
> also y'all should tell me your embarrassing/fun/sexy teenager stories because this story is based 99.999% on movies and tv shows and that is as accurate as i get. go go go.

**Author's Note:**

> what i'm going for here is a hipsterish summer romance kind thing and just kind of as little angst as possible.  
> basically super self-indulgent sorry.
> 
> for every comment you give somewhere god saves a dave strider


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